{(set: $time to 0) (set: $maleAntagonist to 0) (set: $femaleAntagonist to 0) (set: $hasDrink to 0) (set: $queueJumper to 0)
}
#Just //Talk// to Them
######by Raymond Vermeulen
Foamy and bitter, with just a hint of hazel to it. The beer is cold; refreshing. It goes down smooth, and it allows you to forget all your troubles for a moment. But most pertinently, right now it provides a good excuse to keep your mouth shut. Sitting there, eyes closed, glass to your mouth, there is an unspoken understanding between everyone at the table: do not interrupt this devotee, engaged in the most divine ritual of drink.
"...I said, when are you going to get a date already?" Before you've even managed to set your glass down on the table, someone has blatantly violated the compact.
[[Bloody Gary.->Male Antagonist]]
[[Bloody Beth.->Female Antagonist]]
{(set: $time to $time + 1)
}
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[Do you truly not want to go talk to her, or do you fear failure in your romantic endeavours, unwilling to tarnish your perfect moment together, fleeting as it was? It doesn't matter. You belong to nobody but yourself and you are not susceptible to peer pressure. If you want to just sit here and keep drinking, that's what you're going to do, you don't care how much your friends protest.
You take a slow, careful sip of your beer, dragging the act out in protest. This earns you another round of moans and complaints, and several disparaging remarks about your character. You don't let it bother you, though. You might earn a reputation as a coward, you might never catch the fancy of someone as beautiful as her again, you might spend the following weeks and months imagining what might have been, those beautiful eyes lingering on you for all eternity instead of just a moment. But you are your own person and you make your own choices.
...
Oh to hell with it.
[[Get up and go talk to her.->Get up and go talk to them]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[Do you truly not want to go talk to him, or do you fear failure in your romantic endeavours, unwilling to tarnish your perfect moment together, fleeting as it was? It doesn't matter. You belong to nobody but yourself and you are not susceptible to peer pressure. If you want to just sit here and keep drinking, that's what you're going to do, you don't care how much your friends protest.
You take a slow, careful sip of your beer, dragging the act out in protest. This earns you another round of moans and complaints, and several disparaging remarks about your character. You don't let it bother you, though. You might earn a reputation as a coward, you might never catch the fancy of someone as beautiful as him again, you might spend the following weeks and months imagining what might have been, those beautiful eyes lingering on you for all eternity instead of just a moment. But you are your own person and you make your own choices.
...
Oh to hell with it.
[[Get up and go talk to him.->Get up and go talk to them]]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[You attempt to gather up your courage and go talk to her.](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[You attempt to gather up your courage and go talk to him.]
##**SKILL CHALLENGE!**
######In life, making certain decisions can be difficult. Finding the courage to risk rejection and social humiliation is no easy task. To approximate this feeling of anxiety, picture yourself standing in front of a classroom, and having to answer the following question:*
Who was the 34th president of the United States of America?
[[Dwight D. Eisenhower->Skill challenge 01 success]]
[[Franklin D. Roosevelt->Skill challenge 01 failure]]
[[Harry S. Truman->Skill challenge 01 failure]]
[[John F. Kennedy->Skill challenge 01 failure]]
Alright, alright. Through no small feat of willpower, and with a little help of your friends, you decide to give it a shot. You finish your beer, slam the empty glass on the table and get up, earning you a round of applause and encouragement from your pals. Let's do this!
You confidently make strides towards your intended, trying to relax, don't dwell on the white picket fence, be cool, just have a chat, what's the worst that can happen?
Oh, wait, [[it seems your phone is ringing.]]
You stop in your tracks and fish your phone out of your pocket. The screen blips on, displaying the worst case scenario. It's your housemate.
**Dipshit**
hai i loked myself out where r u drinkin at???
*sent at 22:07*
The last thing you want right now is to deal with your housemate, if there's one person who can ruin a night out it's them. At least your lease is up next month and they won't be your problem anymore, maybe you should just let them figure out their own shit.
**Dipshit**
i know you saw this dont be a dick its cold!
*sent at 22:08*
Ugh, like they wouldn't just go crash at the neighbours' anyway. Maybe you should just explain where the spare key is for the sixtieth time, you know they're going to keep whining otherwise.
**Dipshit**
dont ignore me fucker!
*sent at 22:08*
[[Answer the phone.]]
[[Turn the phone off.->Skill challenge 02]]
##**ULTIMATE SKILL CHALLENGE**
######In life, being a socially capable badass can be difficult. Not everybody can measure up to the person they would like to be, not everyone has the confidence to just go for it. To simulate how hard this is, please solve the following puzzles.
Who was the last emperor of the Ming dynasty?
[[Zhu Youjian->Ultimate skill challenge 02]]
[[Zhu Youxiao->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[Zhu Yijun->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[Zhu Youcheng->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
(set: $time to $time + 1)You'd better deal with this, or you won't hear the end of it later. But you really don't want to have your housemate get in the way here, so you should probably just explain where the spare key is hidde--
**Dipshit**
so where r u??
*sent at 22:09*
You make several excuses about being in the library all the way across town, and not really in a partying mood, and your dog eating your keychain so they should just let themselves in.
**Dipshit**
rite library lol ¬_¬
*sent at 22:11*
**Dipshit**
i dont care if you don't liek
me just let me in the house
*sent at 22:11*
No no it's not that you don't like her you're REALLY at the library, you'll have a drink with them tomorrow, promise.
**Dipshit**
whatever
*sent at 22:13*
**Dipshit**
where is key
*sent at 22:13*
It's under the potted plant next to the doormat, just like you've shown a hundred times, just lift the plant up and--
**Dipshit**
not there
*sent at 22:15*
No the other one IT IS NOT HARD.
**Dipshit**
o ok got it
*sent at 22:17*
**Dipshit**
byeeeee
*sent at 22:17*
Well, at least that's over with, now you can--
**Dipshit**
######You have been blocked.
*sent at 22:18*
Of course. Bloody perfect.
[[Let's keep going.]]
You turn your phone off. Whatever, your housemate can go piss up a rope, let's not get distracted any longer. Your lover is waiting, and you should stop tarrying.
But maaaaybe [[get a drink first.]]
You attempt to ignore your housemate and turn off your phone, so you won't get bothered again.
##SKILL CHALLENGE!
######In life, making certain decisions can be difficult. Knowing when to make time for others and when to put yourself first is no easy task. To approximate these feelings of guilt and pressure, please answer the following question:
Train A, traveling 70 kilometers per hour, leaves Westhouse heading toward Easthut, 300 kilometers away. At the same time Train B, traveling 50 miles per hour, leaves Easthut heading toward Westhouse. Approximately how much time will pass before the trains meet? Round to nearest.
[[2 hours.->Skill challenge 02 success]]
[[2 hours, 15 minutes.->Skill challenge 02 failure]]
[[2 hours, 30 minutes.->Skill challenge 02 failure]]
[[2 hours, 45 minutes.->Skill challenge 02 failure]]
[[3 hours.->Skill challenge 02 failure]]
All this walking and ignoring people and working up the nerve to make a move to a total stranger is thirsty, terrifying work. You could use some more liquid courage, and it might look weird if you didn't have a drink with you... after all, you're in a bar.
Should you go get a drink?
[[Yeah, let's hit the bar.->the bar]]
[[Nah, we're good.->Skill challenge 03]]
{(set: $time to $time + 1)
}
You're standing in front of the bar... more or less. Before you loom rows and rows of obscure and arcane bottles, a veritable alchemist's brewhouse (wait, isn't that the name of the bar?). Whether you want a drink with an umbrella in it, or single malt scotch, or the deadliest absinthe in all the catacombs of Paris, or just some plain black coffee, you're pretty sure that if you can only get the bartender's attention you'll be able to get your hands on your favorite poison.
But because it is Saturday night this is proving more difficult than usual. Every time you think you're about to order, someone else pipes up, pushes their way past you and returns with a drink. Repeat forever. This might take a while.
[[Just be patient and stay in line.->Stay in line]]
[[Give up on getting a drink.->Almost there.]]
[[Force your way to the front.->Bar skill challenge 01]]
You're quite thirsty, and finding an excuse to put off the moment of truth is rather tempting...
##SKILL CHALLENGE!
######In life, making certain decisions can be difficult. Recognizing what motivates your actions and acting accordingly is an ongoing, never-ending process. To approximate this feeling of avoidance, please pick the odd word out:
[[Caladbolg->Skill challenge 03 failure]], [[Durendal->Skill challenge 03 failure]], [[Excalibur->Skill challenge 03 failure]], [[Joyeuse->Skill challenge 03 bonus]]
(if: $hasDrink is 1)[Alright, you've moved your butt up from the table, dealt with your housemate and gotten some delicious $drink. There is little standing in between you and the object of your affection now, so you take a big step towards (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[her.](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[him.]
Correction, there is one thing standing in between you and the consumption of your love. Namely the overly large Irish guy you just slammed straight into.
Shit.](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[Alright, you've moved your butt up from the table, dealt with your housemate and decided not to get a drink. There is little standing in between you and the object of your affection now, so you take a big step towards (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[her.](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[him.]
Correction, there is one thing standing in between you and the consumption of your love. Namely the overly large Irish guy you just slammed straight into.
Shit.]
You klutz! (if: $hasDrink is 1)[[[Try to avoid spilling your drinks.->Skill challenge 04]]](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[[[Try to avoid spilling his drink.->Skill challenge 04]]]
{(set: $time to $time + 1)
}
(if: $hasDrink is 1)[You crash straight into the back of a rather large Irish fellow. You can tell they're Irish because they have shamrocks painted all over their... everything, and they've got the Ulster Banner displayed proudly on their sleeveless shirt. Must be a match on tonight.
In any event, your $drink went all over his display of patriotism, and they dropped their tankard of beer. This earns you the stinkeye and shaves at least a year off your life.
[[Apologize, and offer to go to the bar and replace their drink.->offer to go to the bar and replace their drink.]]
[[Brush it off and keep going.]]]
(elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[You crash straight into the back of a rather large Irish fellow. You can tell they're Irish because they have shamrocks painted all over their... everything, and they've got the Ulster Banner displayed proudly on their sleeveless shirt. Must be a match on tonight.
In any event, you made them drop their tankard of beer. This earns you the stinkeye and shaves at least a month off your life.
[[Apologize, and offer to go to the bar and replace their drink.->offer to go to the bar and replace their drink.]]
[[Brush it off and keep going.]]]
(set: $counter to 5)Smooth move, there. You attempt to preserve both dignity and alcohol.
##SKILL CHALLENGE!
######In life, sometimes shit happens, and you need to act fast. Time is short, find the q in the sea of p.
Find the odd one out. You have |amount>[$counter] seconds left!{(live: 1s)[
(set: $counter to it - 1)
(if: $counter is 0)[(go-to: "Skill challenge 04 failure")]
(replace: ?amount)[$counter]
]}
[[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill 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challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[q->Skill challenge 04 success]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] 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[[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]] [[p->Skill challenge 04 failure]]
You barrel straight into the Irish bloke, but your cat-like reflexes and full mastery of your body allow you to pass it off as little more than a brush against his shoulder, (if: $hasDrink is 1)[both your drinks](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[his drink] preserved. If anyone was looking, they would have thought it was awesome. Alas, nobody was.
[[Just the way it goes sometimes.->The final approach.]]
{(set: $hasDrink to 0)
}
Clearly in mortal peril, you stammer out some semblance of an apology. It takes you a few minutes of prostrated yammering and promises of making things right before you realize you are still alive. You look up, and the Irish lad is nowhere to be seen.
You look around the bar some more, and you just barely catch him stumbling out the door. Huh. Must have decided he'd had enough.
[[You lucky shit.->The final approach.]]
You have successfully crossed the bar, braving devices, deviants and destiny. You're standing mere feet from the table of your (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[lady love](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[lover boy], no going back now. Let's see how it all turns out.
(if: $time >= 0 and $time <= 1)[It's around 22:15. Time to go (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[talk to her.->Perfect ending]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[talk to him.->Perfect ending]]]](elseif: $time >= 2 and $time <= 4 )[It's around 23:30. Time to go (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[talk to her.->Good ending]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[talk to him.->Good ending]]]](elseif: $time >= 4 and $time <= 6 )[It's around 02:00. Time to go (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[talk to her.->Bad ending]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[talk to him.->Bad ending]]]](elseif: $time >= 6 )[Time no longer has any meaning. Go (if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[talk to her.->Terrible ending]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[talk to him.->Terrible ending]]]]
(set: $endingAlpha to 1)(if: $girlBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but she will. Her long, smooth, golden locks terminating just shy of her bare shoulders, revealing the blue dress that goes on forever, like a waterfall merging into the chair.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at her. She looks startled as she turns around, but she quickly regains her smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THOSE TITS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.](elseif: $girlRed is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but she will. Her copper reds suit the black studded leather perfectly, the contrast with her purple lips made all the more striking by the wild, geometrically challenging earrings you hadn't noticed before.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at her. She looks startled as she turns around, but she quickly regains her smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THOSE TITS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.](elseif: $girlBlack is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but she will. Her long black hair--wait, is it braided? Her complicated network of braids seems to go on forever, a cloak of shadows from which an adorable orange set of half-rimmed spectacles emerges. Green cabled knitwear, like a forest hidden under the cover of night.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at her. She looks startled as she turns around, but she quickly regains her smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THOSE TITS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.](elseif: $guyBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone at his table. He has not noticed you yet, but he will. Hewn from solid rock, his 5 o'clock shadow contrasting with golden hair the envy of any pageant contestant.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at him. He looks startled as he turns around, but he quickly regains his smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THAT ASS IS OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.](elseif: $guyRed is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone at his table. He has not noticed you yet, but he will. Bright red hair tussled every which way, a duplicate effort on his chin. Large striped shirt befitting his relaxed, casual demeanor.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at him. He looks startled as he turns around, but he quickly regains his smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THAT ASS IS OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.](elseif: $guyBlack is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone at his table. He has not noticed you yet, but he will. Smooth, tightly cropped hair to match his black tie--business casual seldom looks this good.
Your heart is calm, like an ocean at rest. Cool like a cucumber. Let's do this.
“HI!” you shout at him. He looks startled as he turns around, but he quickly regains his smile.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile.
"ARE YOU AN ALIEN? BECAUSE THAT ASS IS OUT OF THIS WORLD." is what you go with.
--
You find your way back to your friends, wearing your $drink.]
[[Epilogue]]
######In life, being a socially capable badass can be difficult. Not everybody can measure up to the person they would like to be, not everyone has the confidence to just go for it. To simulate how hard this is, please solve the following puzzles.
Train A, traveling 90 kilometers per hour, leaves Westhouse heading toward Easthut, 400 kilometers away. At the same time Train B, traveling 110 miles per hour, leaves Easthut heading toward Westhouse. The conductor of Train A has diabetes, the conductor of Train B is bald. The passengers on both trains weigh roughly the same, but Train A is carrying people while Train B is carrying lifestock. It is sunny out. In the event of a head-on collission, assuming favorable winds, in what year was The International System of Units first published?
[[1799->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[1875->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[1948->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[1960->Ultimate skill challenge 03]]
######In life, being a socially capable badass can be difficult. Not everybody can measure up to the person they would like to be, not everyone has the confidence to just go for it. To simulate how hard this is, please solve the following puzzles.
Find the odd one out. You have |amount>[$counter] seconds left!
{(set: $counter to 5) (live: 1s)[
(set: $counter to it - 1)
(if: $counter is 0)[(go-to: "Ultimate skill challenge failure")]
(replace: ?amount)[$counter]
]}
[[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[5->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[0->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[1->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[3->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[4->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[2->Ultimate skill challenge 04]] [[6->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[7->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[8->Ultimate skill challenge failure]] [[9->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
######In life, being a socially capable badass can be difficult. Not everybody can measure up to the person they would like to be, not everyone has the confidence to let the timer run out. To simulate how hard this is, please solve the following puzzles.
You have |amount>[$counter] seconds left!
{(set: $counter to 10) (live: 1s)[
(set: $counter to it - 1)
(if: $counter is 0)[(set: $alphaWon to 1)(go-to: "Ultimate skill challenge failure")]
(replace: ?amount)[$counter]
]}
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
[[Uhm...->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[Err...->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[Maybe...->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
[[I, uh...->Ultimate skill challenge failure]]
{(set: $time to $time + 1)(set: $hasDrink to 1)
}
You're rather nice and polite, or maybe just a bit meek, as you patiently wait your turn despite constantly getting shoved aside.
Eventually you make your way up to the bartender, having at least had enough time to decide what you want to drink. What will it be, a beer, some wine, a potent liquid psychedelic?
Before you can even shout an order the bartender grasps the money in your outstretched hand and slams some (set: $drink to (either: "beer", "wine", "vodka", "whiskey", "grog", "absinthe"))$drink down in front of you. It doesn't look like you're getting any change back.
Alright, guess this is what you're drinking now. Maybe don't bother with this place again.
[[Almost there.]]
(set: $queueJumper to $queueJumper +1)You've already spent too long waiting at the bar, you're not leaving without a drink. Law of the jungle, summon up your inner lion and force the issue.
##SKILL CHALLENGE!
######In life, making certain decisions can be difficult. The world is a cruel and random place, and in any jockeying for dominance there is a measure of luck involved. To simulate the uncertainty and risk that accompanies any physical confrontation, please pick a hand.
(either: "[[Left hand->Bar skill challenge 01 success]]", "[[Left hand->Bar skill challenge 01 failure]]")
(either: "[[Right hand->Bar skill challenge 01 success]]", "[[Right hand->Bar skill challenge 01 failure]]")
{(set: $hasDrink to 1)
}
Caught up in the zeitgeist, you work your way to the front of the bar through the liberal application of knees and elbows. Spot on.
Before you can even shout an order the bartender grasps the money in your outstretched hand and slams some cheap (set: $drink to (either: "beer", "wine", "vodka", "whiskey", "grog", "absinthe", "coffee", "tea", "tequila"))$drink down in front of you. It doesn't look like you're getting any change back.
Alright, guess this is what you're drinking now. Maybe don't bother with this place again.
[[Almost there.]]
Turning your gaze away from your ostensible friends, you look around the bar. Wooden chairs and tables make a rough attempt at authenticity, but they're not fooling you when they all have the same dents and burn marks. At least the smell of spilled beer is the same everywhere. It's a fairly large space, more of a warehouse than the cozy living room they were going for, the middle of which is occupied by an impressive assortment of liquid sedatives and temptations. In one of the corners a small band is trying to be heard over the murmur of the crowd to no great success.
What bar is it again? Oh, it doesn't matter, it's somewhere to get your slant on. The rest of the Saturday night crowd probably agrees, as the place is packed. It's a pretty young crowd, mostly 20 somethings wearing flannel and espousing opinions on seasonal microbrews to the eyerolls of their compatriots. Typical, really.
But just when you're convinced you have accurately measured the crowd and go to turn your attention back to your crew... [[the meet-cute happens.->Meet cute]]
(set: $endingPerfect to 1)(if: $girlBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her long, smooth, golden locks terminating just shy of her bare shoulders, revealing the blue dress that goes on forever, like a waterfall merging into the chair.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she tosses that long mane of hers over her shoulder and turns to face you.
“Hi!” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this divinity? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]](elseif: $girlRed is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her copper reds suit the black studded leather perfectly, the contrast with her purple lips made all the more striking by the wild, geometrically challenging earrings you hadn't noticed before.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she pivots on her chair and turns to face you.
“Hi!” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this dream? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]](elseif: $girlBlack is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her long black hair--wait, is it braided? Her complicated network of braids seems to go on forever, a cloak of shadows from which an adorable orange set of half-rimmed spectacles emerges. Green cabled knitwear, like a forest hidden under the cover of night.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she flicks her braids over her shoulder like a bullwhip and turns to face you.
“Hi!” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this nymph? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]](elseif: $guyBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Hewn from solid rock, his 5 o'clock shadow contrasting with golden hair the envy of any pageant contestant.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he tosses his lavish locks over his shoulder and turns to face you.
“Hi!” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this he-man? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]](elseif: $guyRed is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Bright red hair tussled every which way, a duplicate effort on his chin. Large striped shirt befitting his relaxed, casual demeanor.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he leans up against the wall and turns his gaze your way.
“Hi!” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this he-man? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]](elseif: $guyBlack is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Smooth, tightly cropped hair to match his black tie--business casual seldom looks this good.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he pivots around and fixes you with his gaze.
“Hi!” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this divinity? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Perfect ending 2]]]
(set: $endingGood to 1)(if: $girlBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her long, smooth, golden locks terminating just shy of her bare shoulders, revealing the blue dress that goes on forever, like a waterfall merging into the chair.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she tosses that long mane of hers over her shoulder and turns to face you.
She looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this divinity? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]](elseif: $girlRed is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. She has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her copper reds suit the black studded leather perfectly, the contrast with her purple lips made all the more striking by the wild, geometrically challenging earrings you hadn't noticed before.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she pivots on her chair and turns to face you.
She looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this dream? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]](elseif: $girlBlack is 1)[You walk up to where she sits—back turned, talking to someone at her table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing her. Her long black hair--wait, is it braided? Her complicated network of braids seems to go on forever, a cloak of shadows from which an adorable orange set of half-rimmed spectacles emerges. Green cabled knitwear, like a forest hidden under the cover of night.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems her friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, she flicks her braids over her shoulder like a bullwhip and turns to face you.
She looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” she beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this nymph? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]](elseif: $guyBlonde is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Hewn from solid rock, his 5 o'clock shadow contrasting with golden hair the envy of any pageant contestant.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he tosses his lavish locks over his shoulder and turns to face you.
He looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this he-man? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]](elseif: $guyRed is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Bright red hair tussled every which way, a duplicate effort on his chin. Large striped shirt befitting his relaxed, casual demeanor.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he leans up against the wall and turns his gaze your way.
He looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this he-man? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]](elseif: $guyBlack is 1)[You walk up to where he stands—back turned, talking to someone sitting at the table. He has not noticed you yet, but you are definitely noticing him. Smooth, tightly cropped hair to match his black tie--business casual seldom looks this good.
If your heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the wild rhythm currently beating in your chest. Your palms feel sweaty. You swallow; it seems his friends have noticed you, but before you can introduce yourself, he pivots around and fixes you with his gaze.
He looks puzzled for a moment, but only for a moment. “Hi! Took you long enough.” he beams. At you.
Again with the blues or greens. Again with the smile. What was wonderful from afar remains, but is equal parts terrifying up close, now that it is close enough to touch, close enough to break with a careless word or gesture. Doubt takes root, how could you ever have put up such airs, how could you ever think you had a chance with this divinity? You should just turn around and lea—
“What’s your name?” escapes those beautiful lips, and your doubts are annihilated in an instant. After all, you know yourself. You [[know your name.->Good ending 2]]]
(set: $endingBad to 1)(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[You walk up to where she sat earlier, your hands sweaty, feeling nervous. But once you get there...
...you realize you missed your moment. There's nobody left at her table. You could look around the bar, but you know in your heart you won't find her. You were too slow, too caught up in what might or might not happen, too easily distracted. As usual.
So you don't bother. Instead you just sit down at her table, taking a breather before beginning the long walk of shame back to your friends.
(if: $hasDrink is 1)[You take a sip of your $drink. Ugh. Disgusting.](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[You wish you had something to drink.]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[You walk up to where he stood earlier, your hands sweaty, feeling nervous. But once you get there...
...you realize you missed your moment. There's nobody left at his table. You could look around the bar, but you know in your heart you won't find him. You were too slow, too caught up in what might or might not happen, too easily distracted. As usual.
So you don't bother. Instead you just sit down at his table, taking a breather before beginning the long walk of shame back to your friends.
(if: $hasDrink is 1)[You take a sip of your $drink. Ugh. Disgusting.](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[You wish you had something to drink.]]
#**~FIN~**
[[Epilogue]]
(set: $endingTerrible to 1)(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[You walk up to where she sat earlier, your hands sweaty, feeling nervous. But once you get there...
...you realize you missed your moment. There's nobody left at her table. You could look around the bar, but you know in your heart you won't find her. You were too slow, too caught up in what might or might not happen, too easily distracted. As usual.
So you don't bother. Instead you go to sit down at her table, to take a breather before beginning the long walk of shame back to your friends.
But just before you sit down, you hear a distinctly feminine laugh ring out. You turn around, and see the object of your affection slipping into a coat and headed out the door, pure delight on her face. (if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[Gary, gentleman that he is, is holding the door open with one hand as the other softly brushes the small of her back, hurrying her along outside.](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[Beth, always the go-getter, is holding her hand as she guides the pair of them out the door.]
It takes you a second to realize what just happened. But that's enough. They're gone.
Son of a b--](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[You walk up to where he sat earlier, your hands sweaty, feeling nervous. But once you get there...
...you realize you missed your moment. There's nobody left at his table. You could look around the bar, but you know in your heart you won't find him. You were too slow, too caught up in what might or might not happen, too easily distracted. As usual.
So you don't bother. Instead you go to sit down at his table, to take a breather before beginning the long walk of shame back to your friends.
But just before you sit down, you hear a hearty male laugh ring out. You turn around, and see the object of your affection slipping into a coat and headed out the door, looking very satisfied indeed. (if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[Gary, gentleman that he is, is holding the door open with one hand as the other softly brushes the small of his back, hurrying him along outside.](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[Beth, always the go-getter, softly grabs his ass as the pair of them rush out the door.]
It takes you a second to realize what just happened. But that's enough. They're gone.
Son of a b--]
#**~FIN~**
[[Epilogue]]
Across the dim hub of the bar, two sets of eyes unerringly lock. You find yourself falling into the deep emerald greens--or maybe blues--belonging to...
[[a diamond goddess.->blonde girl]]
[[a leather-clad redhead.->redhead girl]]
[[a beautiful raven-haired girl.->brunette girl]]
[[a freaking viking.->blonde guy]]
[[a ginger guy.->redhead guy]]
[[a perfect gentleman.->brunette guy]]
{(set: $maleAntagonist to 1)}
Gary is always giving you shit.
You manage to force out some excuse about being "in between candidates." Smooth recovery, you're doing terrific.
"In between body pillows, more like." he suggests.
Laughter makes its way around the table. Maybe you should start keeping better company.
But soon, Alex extends an olive branch. "Oh, lay off, not all our cousins are as easy as yours is, Gary."
"ONE TIME! We kissed ONE TIME! IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!" erupt both Gary and Beth, as a rain of peanuts starts flying in the general direction of the aggressor.
Alex weathers the assault handily. "Only takes the once, guys. Only takes the once."
Gary and Beth are getting increasingly more red in the face as they eject a seemingly endless litany of four-letter words. Alex keeps a grin plastered on his face while taking pot shots in between regular shots. You lean back your chair against the wall and soak in the atmosphere. Drinks and dumbassery with the dudes, this is what the weekend is all about. [[Why don't you look around the bar some more?->Let's look around the bar some more.]]
{(set: $femaleAntagonist to 1)}
Beth is always giving you shit.
You manage to force out some excuse about being "single by choice." Smooth recovery, you're doing terrific.
"Whose choice, yours or theirs?" she asks.
Laughter makes its way around the table. Maybe you should start keeping better company.
But soon, Alex extends an olive branch. "Oh, lay off, not all our cousins are as easy as yours is, Beth."
"ONE TIME! We kissed ONE TIME! IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!" erupt both Beth and Gary, as a rain of peanuts starts flying in the general direction of the aggressor.
Alex weathers the assault handily. "Only takes the once, guys. Only takes the once."
Beth and Gary are getting increasingly more red in the face as they eject a seemingly endless litany of four-letter words. Alex keeps a grin plastered on his face while taking pot shots in between regular shots. You lean back your chair against the wall and soak in the atmosphere. Drinks and dumbassery with the dudes, this is what the weekend is all about. [[Why don't you look around the bar some more?->Let's look around the bar some more.]]
{(set: $cuteGirl to 1) (set: $girlBlonde to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. She sits at a table in the back, chatting with friends. A sparkly blue dress; long, platinum blonde hair running down past her shoulders; stunning, cherry-red lips beckoning you to come over. She should be a model, maybe she is. Centuries ago men would have fought and died just for a chance to be in her divine presence.
Or maybe she's not a pinup poster girl at all. Maybe she's just blessed with a nice head of hair and a knack for make-up, which she doesn't get much use out of as an engineer. Maybe she's tremendously shy or completely lost in this crowd, maybe she actually wants to be at home in her pajamas with a tub of ice cream. But the only truth that matters is that right now she is smiling. She smiles with her eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the tits on that one!" And so you turn your head and she turns hers, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
{(set: $cuteGirl to 1) (set: $girlRed to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. She sits at a table in the back, chatting with friends. Short and fierce. Tight black jacket; copper red pixie cut; garish purple lips beckoning you to come over. You picture a thousand backstories but you know they are wrong, you could never guess *her* story, but by god you want to know it.
Or maybe she's not a hip alternative girl with a mysterious past at all. Maybe she's just a girl who likes hair dye and spends her days making and selling plush animals, or maybe she's a young mother out on the town for the first time in forever. But the only truth that matters is that right now she is smiling. She smiles with her eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the tits on that one!" And so you turn your head and she turns hers, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
{(set: $cuteGirl to 1) (set: $girlBlack to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. She sits at a table in the back, chatting with friends. A tight green sweater; long, black hair running down past her shoulders; warm, peach-colored lips beckoning you to come over. Her glasses make you think of musty old bookshops and libraries, of fireplaces and tea, of porcelain and crystal.
Or maybe she's not an elegant, refined lady at all. Maybe she's just nearsighted and enjoys flatulence. Maybe she earns a living by selling old underwear to online perverts, or maybe she's a tremendously wealthy heirress slumming it for the night. But the only truth that matters is that right now she is smiling. She smiles with her eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the tits on that one!" And so you turn your head and she turns hers, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
{(set: $cuteGuy to 1) (set: $guyBlonde to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. He stands next to a table in the back, chatting with friends. Muscles a bear would be proud of; long, platinum blonde hair running down to his shoulders; stubble around his lips, his fucking lips, beckoning you to come over. He was born too late, he should have been cleaving skulls and wooing maidens. Now he is probably a model.
Or maybe he's not a temporally displaced he-man at all. Maybe he's a sweet and elegant artist, or a terrible brute, or a fashionable accountant. He might enjoy long nature walks or losing his earnings at the tracks. But the only truth that matters is that right now he is smiling. He smiles with his eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the ass on that one!" And so you turn your head and he turns his, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
{(set: $cuteGuy to 1) (set: $guyRed to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. He stands next to a table in the back, chatting with friends. Striped navy and white shirt; a mop of red hair and matching beard; and the most honest smile you've ever seen, beckoning you to come over. He could be an artist, maybe a painter, but you are damned sure he grows his own tomatoes.
Or maybe he's not a creative, caring soul at all. Maybe he's a slave to fashion and here purely to keep up appearances. Maybe he's trying not to collapse into a panic attack, or struggling with crippling addictions. Maybe he likes to argue about dead philosophers. But the only truth that matters is that right now he is smiling. He smiles with his eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the ass on that one!" And so you turn your head and he turns his, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
{(set: $cuteGuy to 1)(set: $guyBlack to 1)
}
Your heart pounds once, twice, ten times as you notice this bright candle burning amidst the grey ashes of the plebs. He stands next to a table in the back, chatting with friends. A slim-fitting suit and a thin black tie; tightly cropped black hair; cleanly shaven, perfectly symmetrical face; lips beckoning you to come over. A luxury watch betrays him as a professional man, maybe he owns a boat or a cabin in the alps.
Or maybe he's not a charming and savvy businessman at all. Maybe he's just a punk who fell up, or a loving father. Maybe he works as a butcher's assistant and puts every penny to keeping his mother on life support, or a stylish math teacher. But the only truth that matters is that right now he is smiling. He smiles with his eyes, the true smile, the only real thing in the world as it is meant just for you.
Ten, fifteen, a thousand beats, your lips feel dry while wet as you vividly picture a house, a white picket fence and a large grey weimaraner. Nothing else matters, nothing else can matter, no cupids needed, a pinpoint romance.
"Shit, look at the ass on that one!" And so you turn your head and he turns his, the spell is broken, and this brief dalliance is concluded.
(if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Gary.->Gary's challenge]]](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[[[Thanks Beth.->Beth's challenge]]]
Unfortunately, that answer is incorrect. As much as you might like to walk over there and introduce yourself, you find yourself [[staying at your table.->Stay at your table.]]
Unfortunately, that answer is incorrect. As much as you'd like to just ignore your annoying housemate, you find yourself [[replying anyway->Answer the phone.]]
Unfortunately, that answer is incorrect. You know you're just getting a drink to put off getting embarrassed a bit longer, but you find yourself walking up to [[the bar]] anyway...
Try as you might, you're not quick enough or don't have enough control over your body to minimize the force of your impact so as to prevent [[spillage.->Spilled drink]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)["That is a seriously nice rack. She's cute, too. Tasty." Gary is leaning halfway over you, looking back at your erstwhile lover, being crude.
Although you can't honestly say that it had escaped your attention.
"Oh? What's this? Are you... *blushing*?"
Suddenly all the eyes at the table are on you. If you weren't blushing before, you sure as hell are now.
"Oh my god you are! You are adorable!" "D'aww!" "Are you kidding? Blushing? How old are you?" "Someone has a little cruuuuuuush~~." "Someone wants to get lucky tonight!" "So cute!"
You decide to hide behind your drink.
But after several volleys of the group's embarrassing affectations, Gary shifts to a more genuine tone. "You should go over there and talk to her."
This never ends well.
"No, really! She was totally flirting with you. Carpe diem that shit, before someone else does."
"I agree, you were just complaining about not having a date, weren't you?" Alex seems to have gotten some events mixed up.
Beth gets a sparkle in her eye. "And think of what a cute couple you'd make!"
The group's decision seems unanimous. "Just talk to her."](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)["That is a seriously nice butt. He's cute, too. Tasty." Gary is leaning halfway over you, looking back at your erstwhile lover, being crude.
Although you can't honestly say that it had escaped your attention.
"Oh? What's this? Are you... *blushing*?"
Suddenly all the eyes at the table are on you. If you weren't blushing before, you sure as hell are now.
"Oh my god you are! You are adorable!" "D'aww!" "Are you kidding? Blushing? How old are you?" "Someone has a little cruuuuuuush~~." "Someone wants to get lucky tonight!" "So cute!"
You decide to hide behind your drink.
But after several volleys of the group's embarrassing affectations, Gary shifts to a more genuine tone. "You should go over there and talk to him."
This never ends well.
"No, really! He was totally flirting with you. Carpe diem that shit, before someone else does."
"I agree, you were just complaining about not having a date, weren't you?" Alex seems to have gotten some events mixed up.
Beth gets a sparkle in her eye. "And think of what a cute couple you'd make!"
The group's decision seems unanimous. "Just talk to him."]
[[Stay at your table.]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[Gather up your courage and go talk to her.->Skill challenge 01]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[Gather up your courage and go talk to him.->Skill challenge 01]]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[Piece of cake, get over there and show her your moves.->Ultimate skill challenge 01]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[Piece of cake, get over there and show him your moves.->Ultimate skill challenge 01]]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)["That is a seriously nice rack. She's cute, too. I'd hit it." Beth is suddenly hanging off your shoulder, looking back at your erstwhile lover, being crude.
Although you can't honestly say that it had escaped your attention.
"Oh? What's this? Are you... *blushing*?"
Suddenly all the eyes at the table are on you. If you weren't blushing before, you sure as hell are now.
"Oh my god you are! You are adorable!" "D'aww!" "Are you kidding? Blushing? How old are you?" "Someone has a little cruuuuuuush~~." "Someone wants to get lucky tonight!" "So cute!"
You decide to hide behind your drink.
But after several volleys of the group's embarrassing affectations, Beth shifts to a more genuine tone. "You should go over there and talk to her."
This never ends well.
"We all saw it. She was totally flirting with you. Carpe diem that shit, before someone else does." Gary chimes in.
"I agree, you were just complaining about not having a date, weren't you?" Alex seems to have gotten some events mixed up.
Beth gets a sparkle in her eye. "And think of what a cute couple you'd make!"
The group's decision seems unanimous. "Just talk to her."](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)["That is a seriously nice butt. He's cute, too. I'd hit it." Beth is suddenly hanging off your shoulder, looking back at your erstwhile lover, being crude.
Although you can't honestly say that it had escaped your attention.
"Oh? What's this? Are you... *blushing*?"
Suddenly all the eyes at the table are on you. If you weren't blushing before, you sure as hell are now.
"Oh my god you are! You are adorable!" "D'aww!" "Are you kidding? Blushing? How old are you?" "Someone has a little cruuuuuuush~~." "Someone wants to get lucky tonight!" "So cute!"
You decide to hide behind your drink.
But after several volleys of the group's embarrassing affectations, Gary shifts to a more genuine tone. "You should go over there and talk to him."
This never ends well.
"We all saw it, he was totally flirting with you. Carpe diem that shit." Gary chimes in.
"I agree, you were just complaining about not having a date, weren't you?" Alex seems to have gotten some events mixed up.
Beth gets a sparkle in her eye. "And think of what a cute couple you'd make!"
The group's decision seems unanimous. "Just talk to him."]
[[Stay at your table.]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[Gather up your courage and go talk to her.->Skill challenge 01]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[Gather up your courage and go talk to him.->Skill challenge 01]]]
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[[[Piece of cake, get over there and show her your moves.->Ultimate skill challenge 01]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[[[Piece of cake, get over there and show him your moves.->Ultimate skill challenge 01]]]
Correct! These are all names of legendary swords. And why is Joyeuse the odd one out?
[[Because it is the only sword that is not specifically said to have magical powers.->Skill challenge 03 failure]]
[[Because it is the only sword that comes from France.->Skill challenge 03 failure]]
[[Because it is the only sword which really exists.->Skill challenge 03 success]]
[[Because it is the only sword without a straight blade.->Skill challenge 03 failure]]
Correct! Dwight D. Eisenhower was the [[34th president of the United States of America.->Get up and go talk to them]]
Correct! It would take approximately 2 hours for the trains to meet, which you figured out by knowing [[how to convert between miles and kilometers.->Let's keep going.]]
Correct again! Caladbolg is a sword from Irish mythology, Excalibur is an important part of the Arthurian legends and Durendal is found in French mythology. Joyeuse, on the other hand, is Charlemagne's personal sword, which is being [[displayed in the Louvre.->Almost there.]]
Luck appears to be on your side tonight, or maybe you're just really strong, as you manage to [[force your way to the bar->Queue jumper]] whilst sustaining only minimal injuries.
Unlucky! Try as you might, you don't make any progress with ordering your drink, and instead get pushed to the back of the queue.
[[Again.->the bar]]
Nicely spotted! You evidently have [[quick reflexes.->Nice save!]]
Nope, you messed up. Guess you're not as much of a badass as you thought you were. Maybe you're scared to put yourself out there, or maybe you've convinced yourself that you can't be bothered. Who knows? Who cares? The result is the same, you just end up [[staying at your table.->Stay at your table.]]
(if: $alphaWon is 1)[[[Refuse to stay seated.->Ultimate skill challenge failure 02]]]
(set: $hasName to 1)(set: $name to (prompt:"My name? It's..."))
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)["$name. My name is $name."
"Hi there, $name!" Still smiling. Her friends are strangely quiet as she pulls up a chair for you.
By the time you break your reverie long enough to sit down, you notice that they are gone. But you only notice for a moment.](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)["$name. My name is $name."
"Hi there, $name!" Still smiling. His friends are strangely quiet as he pulls up empty chairs for you both.
By the time you break your reverie long enough to sit down, you notice that they are gone. But you only notice for a moment.]
...
#**~FIN?~**
[[Epilogue]]
(set: $hasName to 1)(set: $name to (prompt:"My name? It's..."))
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)["$name. My name is $name."
"Hi there, $name!" Still smiling. Her friends are strangely quiet as she pulls up a chair for you.
By the time you break your reverie long enough to sit down, you notice that they are gone. But you only notice for a moment.](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)["$name. My name is $name."
"Hi there, $name!" Still smiling. His friends are strangely quiet as he pulls up empty chairs for you both.
By the time you break your reverie long enough to sit down, you notice that they are gone. But you only notice for a moment.]
...
#**~FIN?~**
[[Epilogue]]
This was your story:
You are frenemies with (if: $maleAntagonist is 1)[Gary](elseif: $femaleAntagonist is 1)[Beth].
You pursued the (if: $girlBlonde is 1)[blonde girl](elseif: $girlRed is 1)[redhead girl](elseif: $girlBlack is 1)[black-haired girl](elseif: $guyBlonde is 1)[blonde guy](elseif: $guyRed is 1)[redhead guy](elseif: $guyBlack is 1)[black-haired guy].
(if: $hasDrink is 1)[You had $drink to drink at the end.](elseif: $hasDrink is 0)[You had nothing to drink at the end.]
While crossing the bar you took $time detours, and tried to cut in line at the bar $queueJumper times.
(if: $hasName is 1)[You are called $name.](elseif: $hasName is 0)[Your name is a mystery.]
(if: $endingPerfect is 1)[Love is in the air.](elseif: $endingGood is 1)[Weather is sunny with a good chance of love.](elseif: $endingBad is 1)[It is raining outside.](elseif: $endingTerrible is 1)[Thirsty weather.](elseif: $endingAlpha is 1)[HURRICANE WARNING.]
Not satisfied with how your story turned out? You can always try again:
Restart
Thanks for playing!
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]
You refuse to stay at your table. That's right. You are observant. You have [[figured it out.]]
There is no correct, one-size-fits-all approach to tackling the challenges thrown in your path. Love is not a puzzle to be solved. You don't need to worry about what anyone thinks of you. You just need to [[go for it.->Alpha as fuck]]
LET'S DO THIS THING.
You SLAM your beer back, then CRUSH the tankard on your forehead. Yes a tankard, not a beer can. You intimidate the tankard into crumpling up anyway.
As your friends look on in stunned silence, you do a BACKFLIP out of your chair. You KICK the chair on the way down, and it flips in mid-air. You CATCH it, and set it down delicately before you walk off. Jaws drop.
Suddenly, your phone rings. You EAT IT.
While you're walking, you realize you're a bit THIRSTY, so you walk right up to the bar and DRINK IT. The other patrons don't dare complain, the bartender is too scared to ask for money. You PAY HIM anyway, with gold lucre and bearer bonds. You are left holding the last (set: $drink to (either: "beer", "wine", "vodka", "whiskey", "grog", "absinthe"))$drink in the house.
Once you're walking again, you BUMP into a rather large Irish bloke. He is immediately OBLITERATED.
(if: $cuteGirl is 1)[You are here. It is 22:00. It is midnight. It is dawn. Who cares? It's time to [[TALK TO HER.->Alpha as fuck ending]]](elseif: $cuteGuy is 1)[You are here. It is 22:00. It is midnight. It is dawn. Who cares? It's time to [[TALK TO HIM.->Alpha as fuck ending]]]
{(set: $hasDrink to 0)
}
While you might be in some form of mortal peril, you don't have time to worry about it. Shit happens, it's a bar, just pretend everything is fine and that you aren't producing enough sweat to keep a medium-large desalination plant in business. Keep moving, but maybe take a bit of a detour to lose the guy in the crowd if he decides to follow.
Amazingly, this works. Once you've gotten a bit of distance, you risk looking back for a moment, and you just barely catch the guy stumbling out the door. Huh. Must have decided he'd had enough.
[[You lucky shit.->The final approach.]]